Category: Writers Block
Hidden Thoughts
The sun is warm today,
The sun is bright,
I wish I could ask you to stay,
But the time is just not right.
Will you ever look at me,
Just the way you did before,
Can I ever cease to hide,
Just between you and the door?
Something tells me your door slams,
Whenever you hear my name mentioned,
Something tells me that your hands shake,
Trying to suppress their tension.
I’ve heard rumors that you cry,
Every time you cross my street,
You wave with a quick goodbye,
Keeping your distance from me.
When I do not see your light,
My sadness is so great,
For I fear the nightmares of the night,
They will not let me sleep till late.
How can I tell you of my confusion,
Would you want to know of my despair,
When you direct your words at me,
And the next day you are, Where?
Your light makes me weak,
And I fail to concentrate,
Release is what I seek,
But my reaction comes too late.
I fear the darkness when you go,
And frightening thoughts creep through my mind,
Why can I not tell you so,
For you I care but yet you are unkind.
Silver light, silver light,
Make the darkness go away,
Let me see the stars tonight,
The way I did on that first day.
Did you forget that first day,
when we were all so free,
Or are you now going to say,
That it was only me?
My memories of you will always be the same,
Day after day I will recall,
Knowing that I cared for you has never made me feel ashamed,
And I will still be there if you ask of me anything at all.
it is a great poem, amazing words. However, I have the feeling you're twisting your words around to make them rhyme. Part of poetry is creativity, expressing emotion and to hell with rhyme skemes. Now, if that rhyme just fit right in that's ok but please please don't twist those poetic words around to fit into a rhyme. Othersise, it was a great poem, I want to see more of your work, and keep writing
Indeed its brilliant
Yes, very good. Keep them coming!
Dear HauntedReverie,
Thank you for your very constructive criticism. I must make a correct you in your assumption that I Was trying to make them rhyme. My sin is trying not to rhyme a poem. I tried imitating a style of poetry for a class assignment in 2001 and it worked. Mostly, that is how my poetry comes out.
I think it's a good poem: it expresses your thoughts clearly. Plus, it rhymes. I agree that a poem doesn't have to rhyme, but some of our best poets rhymed (Shelley, Keats and Burns), while others didn't: Wordsworth, Cummings and Walt Whitman. So, I think it's a plus when a poem rhymes. So do what works for you.
agreed it will come out the way it is meant to, and that was deep. keep it up